2019. New year, new you! Right? Well. I don’t know about you, but I am feeling a bit stuck. A bit like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, except it’s a 28-32 day roller coaster of emotions from sadness and anger, to acceptance, hope, impatience, more impatience, then back to sadness and anger again. Over and over, month after month. I’ve been told to ‘just relax’ and ‘let go.’ Not to fixate on each sign and symptom throughout my cycle, but when you’re charting and you’ve got different supplements and medications to take on certain days, it’s hard not to. Each time you pee is a reminder of The Goal, your hope, which if you’ve increased your water intake to help with cervical mucus, you spend a lot of time peeing (thank God I am not teaching full time at the moment. My teacher bladder is Gone). I’ve heard about Temperature blankets before and googled directions, looked at others finished projects on Instagram. For whatever reason, I’ve never started one before. But this year, towards the end of December, the idea grabbed onto me and wouldn’t let go. Something about the idea of growing something beautiful, little by little, day by day, all the while having very little control over what it will look like in the end, is very appealing to me right now. I’m not pregnant. My womb is empty. And no matter what we do to ‘increase the odds,’ it’s all in God’s timing. I read (or heard?) somewhere that even when both parents have perfectly functioning systems and ‘use’ the perfect days, chances are still 30%. THIRTY PERCENT. I can’t control this. It’s completely out of my hands. Same with this blanket. Beyond the color scheme and stitch pattern, it is Out of My Hands. I have no idea what it will look like in the end. Each stripe is determined by the high temperature of the day. Every row is an act of surrender all while engaging in an activity I find soothing. Knitting is therapeutic for me. I find it relaxing and it helps me feel ‘fertile’ in this barren season. There is more I want to say. More thoughts on why this is going to be hugely beneficial to me emotionally this year, but I wanted to Get This Out Now in case it might be something helpful to a reader as well. I know it’s the fifth day of the year, but it’s not too late. I knitted four rows last night because I hadn’t bought my yarn until yesterday. You can catch up and even work ahead throughout the year. Just check the weather. Knit or crochet, stripes or squares, blanket or scarf…. Poke around online and Instagram (#temperatureblanket) and see what strikes your fancy. If you decide to do this, I’d love to connect and share progress/cheer each other on throughout the year. You can find me on Instagram or Facebook via The Joyful Leap. It’s so nice to be excited about something again. **I have written a 7 Sorrows Devotional booklet specifically for Catholic Women facing Infertility... you can find it here. Please reach out if you would like me to pray for you!!**
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September 2019
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