12/5/2020 0 Comments Lessons in Anger from a 4yoOur beloved white light table-top tree would only half light this year. Daddy found the burnt bulb and was trying (unsuccessfully) to shift things around so more of the tree would light. I thought some space and quiet could aid his efforts, so we went for a walk. As we reached the top of the hill, daddy drove by and slowed down to say he was leaving to get a surprise. We continued walking and I tried to guess at the surprise. The timing of it all *could've* meant I wasn't going to have to make dinner (take out?) or maybe he had decided to make a run for replacement bulbs... I sent some *pizza vibes* out into the universe and asked our son, "Do you think daddy is getting a food surprise or a Christmas surprise?" "I think a TOY surprise!!!" It took us a while to circle the block. Lots of Christmas decorations to look at. Pine needles to scatter on the road so they will "stick on da tires." Socially distanced hellos to neighbors. As we got down the hill, I saw some bright multicolor lights in the window we usually display our tree near. Hmmm. He got a whole new tree? "Look bubbah! Look what daddy did!" He looked. And then he *growled.* And started running like an angry bull up the driveway. "I'm so MAD at him!" Grrrrrrr. Stomped up the stairs. "I'm So MAD At Him!" He banged on the door. "Mooom! He w-ocked the door! Give me da key!" I was several steps behind so he had to wait, scowling the whole time. I unlocked the door releasing into our home a torrent of four-year-old-fury. "Daaaaaad! I'm so MAD at you. I want da old tree with the white wiiiiiights! I hate dis tree!" "Surprise!!! Isn't it big?" "I HAAATE IT! Where's the old tree?" I chimed in "Wooooow! It's so pretty daddy. Our old tree broke but now we have a new tree! What a fun surprise!" "I hate it! Take it back! Take it baaaaack!" "Look, sweetie, it matches the lights we have over our windows," I said as I plugged 'em in. Daddy played along, "Wow! You're right, momma. That looks so nice!" He sniffed. Wiped some snot on his sleeve. Took some breaths and continued to stare at the tree. "It will look so nice with our ornaments, daddy. Thank you!" I said. "Can we deco-wate it?" Wellllll..... "We usually wait to Gaudete Sunday but it *is* 2020. AND this is our tree's first year in our home." I glanced at my hubby to see what he was thinking, knowing it would be good to keep this process of acceptance going (and I needed a little Christmas. Right that very minute). "Sure, bubbah. We can decorate it." Later that evening, hubby and I were laughing over our son's epic explosion over something that was really a good and beautiful surprise. And suddenly I stopped laughing and said, "I get it. Reality didn't match up with his expectations and that can make you really angry... I've done that before." I've yelled at God in prayer. Questioned the goodness His plan. And like my son, I've had to stop myself, take some deep breaths and look around. And when I do that, I see beauty. When I let go of my Wants and Expectations and look at Reality with eyes of gratitude, I find joy. I find peace.
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