9/18/2018 0 Comments Children are a GiftOne of the things Organic Conceptions (an online program I have been working through with my husband) challenges its participants to do is to question your thoughts. To evaluate them as they come. Is this thought based on reality? What is the data that supports this theory? Some thought patterns that develop during delayed conception are not at all healthy and can compound the complications your body may be experiencing. We haven’t completed the program yet, but it’s helping me… Case. In. Point.
A friend gave birth to a boy the other day. Her first boy after two (or three?) girls. I found out via my husband who found out via an email. And I thought, “ Oh Wow!! She gave him a son. He must be so happy to finally have a boy!” Followed by, “ I wonder if I will ever give B a daughter?” I got lost in imagining my big burly brawny man cradling a tiny newborn, all swaddled in pink. Turning into complete mush when he hears her sweet little voice say “Dadda” for the first time… I would love (LOVE) to give him a daughter. These thoughts circled back around to fears, doubts, and self-loathing. “It probably won’t ever happen. He should have married someone else. Maybe he would be loving on a daughter (and a bunch of other kids) already.” Abruptly, another thought came into my head: YOU don’t give your husband children. GOD gives them to the BOTH of you. It’s not me. It’s not within my power. I can take all the Right supplements, eat all the Right foods, pray all the Right novenas, and it still isn’t a given. I am like a whiny, persistent child begging for this particular gift over and over, day after day, multiple times a day, and for whatever reason, Our Heavenly Father has not seen it fit to give us another child yet. All I can do is keep asking and pray for the Faith to believe that God knows what He is doing. Bishop Robert Barron’s daily Gospel reflection for yesterday hit home: “Faith is an attitude of trust in the presence of God. Faith is openness to what God will reveal, do, and invite. It should be obvious that, in dealing with the infinite, all-powerful person who is God, we are never in control. One of the most fundamental statements of faith is this: your life is not about you. You’re not in control. This is not your project. Rather, you are part of God’s great design. To believe this in your bones and act accordingly is to have faith.” What I am living now is not at all how I imagined it in some ways, but also better than I could have imagined it in so many more ways. God was there, He is here, and He has a plan. “O Jesus, I abandon myself to you. Jesus, you take over.**” **Short and sweet novena I found here
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