9/18/2018 0 Comments Children are a GiftOne of the things Organic Conceptions (an online program I have been working through with my husband) challenges its participants to do is to question your thoughts. To evaluate them as they come. Is this thought based on reality? What is the data that supports this theory? Some thought patterns that develop during delayed conception are not at all healthy and can compound the complications your body may be experiencing. We haven’t completed the program yet, but it’s helping me… Case. In. Point.
A friend gave birth to a boy the other day. Her first boy after two (or three?) girls. I found out via my husband who found out via an email. And I thought, “ Oh Wow!! She gave him a son. He must be so happy to finally have a boy!” Followed by, “ I wonder if I will ever give B a daughter?” I got lost in imagining my big burly brawny man cradling a tiny newborn, all swaddled in pink. Turning into complete mush when he hears her sweet little voice say “Dadda” for the first time… I would love (LOVE) to give him a daughter. These thoughts circled back around to fears, doubts, and self-loathing. “It probably won’t ever happen. He should have married someone else. Maybe he would be loving on a daughter (and a bunch of other kids) already.” Abruptly, another thought came into my head: YOU don’t give your husband children. GOD gives them to the BOTH of you. It’s not me. It’s not within my power. I can take all the Right supplements, eat all the Right foods, pray all the Right novenas, and it still isn’t a given. I am like a whiny, persistent child begging for this particular gift over and over, day after day, multiple times a day, and for whatever reason, Our Heavenly Father has not seen it fit to give us another child yet. All I can do is keep asking and pray for the Faith to believe that God knows what He is doing. Bishop Robert Barron’s daily Gospel reflection for yesterday hit home: “Faith is an attitude of trust in the presence of God. Faith is openness to what God will reveal, do, and invite. It should be obvious that, in dealing with the infinite, all-powerful person who is God, we are never in control. One of the most fundamental statements of faith is this: your life is not about you. You’re not in control. This is not your project. Rather, you are part of God’s great design. To believe this in your bones and act accordingly is to have faith.” What I am living now is not at all how I imagined it in some ways, but also better than I could have imagined it in so many more ways. God was there, He is here, and He has a plan. “O Jesus, I abandon myself to you. Jesus, you take over.**” **Short and sweet novena I found here
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9/3/2018 0 Comments Cherish and Nourish**I've sat on this post for a week. Mainly because it's super vulnerable. But I think it's something many of my dear readers can identify with *and* there's a happy ending. So here goes...**
It's easy to let yourself “go” when you're a mom. I don't mean getting “fat” or not wearing makeup. I mean not giving yourself the time you need to take care of you... mentally, spiritually, or physically. These precious little ones demand so much around the clock that it's easier to put yourself last than try to “steal” the time you need. It's easy to become a martyr for motherhood. I find myself making a meal out of what my son doesn't finish, going days without a shower, and not prioritizing prayer or exercise because *He* needs me (no. Not Jesus. My 2 year old). But am I happy and healthy? Am I growing in holiness? As someone approaching a year of trying to get pregnant with no success, I'm having a hard time loving my body. Not just how it looks, but more so how it works. Or rather doesn't work. I feel like less of a woman than those who get pregnant so effortlessly. I feel unworthy of the life I have. My son deserves a sibling. My husband deserves more than one child. If my body is broken anyway, does it really matter what I feed it? It's easy for me to excuse poor diet choices because if it's broke, why bother? I've caught myself in this negative self talk daily lately. It's affecting many relationships in my life. Last Sunday’s second reading was the one my husband and I had read at our wedding mass because the idea of mutual self donation is one that is central to the sacrament and our married life, but that weekend, a different line stood out to me: For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. *deeeeeepbreath* Lately, I have been hating my body. I haven't been nourishing it or cherishing it. And it has just hit me: in failing to do so, I am failing to love Christ as I should. I am allowing part of His body to become weak, malnourished, and scorned. So today, I sat with the gospel over my first cup of coffee. Today, I walked the dog. Today, I took the time to make myself nourishing meals. Today, I denied myself a sugary afternoon boost *even though* my son didn't nap and I was feeling overwhelmed and tired and (maybe) chocolate could have made it all better. Today, I prayed a rosary. And tonight, I feel better than I did last night. Today was just a little healthier and holier than yesterday. And I hope to keep this going tomorrow. ***Want to join me? Tag @TheJoyfulLeap on Instagram and use the hashtag #cherishandnourish to share your tips and tricks on loving yourself every day... At the end of September, I'll pick one participant in the 'challenge' to send some assorted goodies to. Could be a Target Giftcard. But maybe Amazon. Let's love ourselves as Christ does, ladies. We are worthy. And our families need to see this. |
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